Chosen Family: Celebrating the People Who Hold Us Together
Eric Subido
For many LGBTQ+ people, the holidays can bring more complexity than comfort. This season often highlights a truth our community has always known: sometimes, the family that loves, supports, and affirms us the most isn’t the one we were born into—it’s the one we choose.
What are Chosen Families?
Chosen families have long been a cornerstone of LGBTQ+ culture. They are the people who show up, see us as our complete selves, and celebrate our identities without hesitation. They are the friends who become like siblings, the mentors who become like parents, and the partners who become like home. In a world where biological families may not always be safe, supportive, or emotionally available, chosen families are not just a substitute — they are a powerful expression of resilience and community support.
Why Chosen Family Matters
For many LGBTQ+ individuals, support and belonging are essential to well-being, especially during a time of year that emphasizes family gatherings and tradition. Chosen family fills the gaps that unsupportive environments create, offering:
Affirmation
Chosen family reflects who we truly are. They honor our pronouns, identities, relationships, and the parts of ourselves we’re still discovering.
Safety
Emotional and psychological safety is important. Chosen families create environments where authenticity is welcomed, not questioned.
Community & Culture
LGBTQ+ history is filled with a rich history of chosen family stepping in when systems failed. Ball culture houses, queer artist collectives, allies, community activists, and advocates have all embodied this tradition of “we take care of us.”
Healing
When biological family relationships are strained or harmful, chosen family offers a place to rebuild trust, connection, and self-worth — without demands to change or hide.
Families come in many forms, including blended, adoptive, foster, and step families — and all of these structures can offer meaningful connections. Yet for many LGBTQ+ people, chosen family plays a unique role by providing the identity-affirming support that biological or traditional structures may not always offer.
The Holidays Through a Different Lens
December is often framed around “family gatherings,” which can feel complicated for those who have experienced rejection, misunderstanding, or distance from their families of origin.
But for LGBTQ+ people, the holidays can also be a time to redefine tradition:
- Making dinner with your closest friends
- Exchanging meaningful gifts related to identity
- Hosting a gender-affirming holiday photo night
- Gathering for a cozy movie or show marathon (I would suggest Pose)
- Creating new rituals rooted in joy, not obligation
- These aren’t “alternatives” to family gatherings. They are chosen family gatherings.
Chosen Family as a Value
Chosen family aligns deeply with Intent Clinical’s commitment to belonging, psychological safety, and mental health equity.
When we honor chosen family:
- We recognize that support systems look different for everyone
- We validate diverse pathways to connection
- We acknowledge the impact of trauma and the strength of community healing
- We respect that identity-affirming relationships are as meaningful as any biological tie
- Celebrating chosen family is a practice, one that recognizes lived experience, identity, and the right to form relationships that uplift us.
How Can Allies Support Chosen Family Culture?
Even if you’re not in the LGBTQ+ family, you can help make space for chosen families to thrive:
- Use inclusive language such as “partners,” “families,” and “support systems,” instead of assuming biological ties
- Avoid asking intrusive questions about why someone isn’t spending time with their family of origin
- Honor the people someone names as their family — regardless of blood relation
- Create holiday spaces that welcome and acknowledge all forms of relationship and paths to belonging
- Small shifts go a long way in reinforcing that all forms of family are valid and worthy.
Closing Reflection
Chosen family shows us that connection is not limited by genetics — it’s created through love, trust, mutual care, and the freedom to be fully ourselves.
As we close out the year, may we honor the people who have held us, nurtured us, celebrated us, and helped us feel like we belong. For many in the LGBTQ+ community, chosen family isn’t an option — it’s a lifeline, and a reminder that we don’t have to feel alone.
This December, we celebrate the families we choose — and the ways they choose us back.
Stories of Chosen Family
Sometimes seeing and hearing lived experiences helps bring the idea of chosen family to life in a deeper, more personal way. The videos below highlight how LGBTQ+ individuals build meaningful connections, create belonging, and form the support networks that help them thrive. These perspectives beautifully complement this month’s theme and reflect the strength, creativity, and resilience within queer communities.
The Importance Of ‘Chosen Family’ In The LGBTQ Community
In this short clip from NBC Out’s Queer 2.0 series, you’ll hear why ‘chosen family’ continues to be a lifeline for so many LGBTQ+ individuals — offering affirmation, safety, and community when the ties of biology don’t fit the story. Spend a few minutes to see how the concept takes shape in real voices and real lives.
“Pose” Star Ryan Jamaal Swain Talks About The Importance of Chosen Family
In this meaningful conversation, Ryan Jamaal Swain (of the hit series Pose) reflects on the power of chosen relationships within the queer community — how they emerge, what they mean, and the healing they bring. A strong visual and personal complement to our article’s focus on connection, resilience, and belonging.
